Explanation for the name of this blog in which I declare myself the most important thing ever and Shakespeareanesque-ly insult my readers

Yes, yes, hello, bonjour, hola, and all that. I've decided to explain why I named this blog "Views from the Center of the Universe."

It's because I am, actually, the exact center of the universe.

And so are you.

And so is that moldering old slice of pepperoni pizza in the dusty display case of the pizzeria down the street.

And so is that stupid Altoid you're sucking at right now.

See, the universe is boundless. As far as we know, it's infinite. So it spreads equally around every single thing in it. Meaning that, scientifically, every single dust mouse and birthday card and dead elephant in the world, along with every planet, every alien, and every star in space, has the perfect and justified right to call itself the exact center of the universe.

And I happen to do just that.

Hey now! Don't you dare start telling everyone from here to Salt Lake City that YOU'RE the center of the universe! I declared it first, therefore I, SHE WHO KNOWS ALL, SEES ALL, AND READS ALL, am the one and only true Center of the Universe! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Unlike you, you quintessence of dust! You are nothing but roast-meat for worms, highly-fed-and-lowly-taught beetle-headed, flap-eared knave! O gull, o dolt, as ignorant as dirt! The souls of my readers are their clothes. Aye, readers, thou art the veriest varlets that ever chewed with a tooth! I declare you are rampallians, fustilarians, poisonous bunch-back'd toads, mountains of mad flesh and insufferable CANKER-BLOSSOMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

love your loving blogger She Who Knows All